Rate this gloriously ridiculous and violent rollercoaster

Shoot ‘Em Up (dir. Michael Davis, 2007)

Bang! Bang! Kapow! Peow! Bang! Bang! Bang! Pew! Peow! Pow! Bang! Crash! Bang! Kerblam!Bang! Bang! Boooooom! Bang! Carrot! Baby! Bang! Bang! Bang! Paul Giamatti! Bang! Stab! Stab! Stab! Clive Owen! Bang! Bang! Bang! Crash! Screeeeech! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Monica Bellucci! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Relentless! Bang! Bang! Bang! Kerpow! Director! Michael Davis! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Conspiracy! Bang! Bang! Bang! Intrigue! Crash! Boom! KaPOW! Bang! Bang! Bang! Guns! Bang! Bang! Bang! Lots of guns! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! *click* click* click* click*

*reloads laptop*

Bang! Bang! Car chases! Bang! Bang! Stunts! Kerpow! Bang! Bang! Bang! Ridiculously violent! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Rated: 6 out of 7

Rate this study in moral degradation

No Country For Old Men (Movie)

As soon as I finished reading The Road, Cormac McCarthy’s bleak analysis of a father/son relationship in the most hostile of all possible environments, I immdediately set to going through all his other work. No Country For Old Men was a brilliant tale of the hardships that come from living in a world going to hell and as is typical of McCarthy stunningly well-written to boot. A writer capable of such astute selections of language, his books are harsh, brutal yet ultimately rewarding. A film adaptation of any of his work needs to be not only faithful to the source but reverent. Halfway through the book I found out that a movie based on No Country For Old Men was coming out soon and that it was under the auspices of the Coen brothers, this made a lot of sense at the time. The premise, our protagonist stumbling upon a case of money from a botched drug deal and coping with the fallout from keeping it, feels very much like an ideal target for the Coens. As it stands No Country For Old Men is one of the finest films I have ever seen and a nigh-on perfect adaptation.

Handled with such love and care the film unfolds at a beautiful pace marked with moments of shocking violence. McCarthy’s ability to shock the reader with sudden bursts of violence is mirrored horrifically in the movie, lengthy dialogue-less sections of heart-stopping suspense are punctuated with loud and almost sickening moments of extreme brutality. Brilliantly staged encounters like these act as way points for the emerging bleak narrative, that the world is not a great place; that time leaves everyone behind eventually and over the years mankind’s virtues are falling by the wayside. This viewpoint is one seen from the character Sheriff Ed Tom Bell’s angle and is wonderfully captured by Tommy Lee Jones. The entire cast for that matter deliver exceptional performances and especially Javier Bardem who is just plain terrifying as the rogue psychopath Anton Chigurh.

I really have nothing bad to say about this film. A piece of work like this, so heartrending in it’s near-perfection, should not be missed or ignored. From the first moments in beautifully shot open country to the powerful and haunting climax there really is not a bad second wasted. Not just a fantastic adaptation worthy of McCarthy’s fans’ attention but a truly great movie and one of the best I’ve seen in a long time.

Rated: 7 out of 7

Rate this insanity

The first 50 minutes of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

The reason for the photo? Well it displays my utter confusion at the first fifty minutes of At World’s End that me and my friends started to watch on DVD. Now I loved the first movie and Dead Man’s Chest -while obscenely long- was blissfully entertaining and Johnny Depp absolutely lights up the screen as Jack Sparrow. But even after a minute of screen time with this one, I knew something was off. For starters the scene at the gallows was damn weird. Dozens of people getting executed…a bizarre sing-a-long….erm, ok this didn’t make much sense and the tone seemed slightly off.

This sense of bewilderment continued into the scenes set in Singapore where I had absolutely no idea why the ‘Pirates’ gang were there, I had no idea what anyone was talking about and I had no idea why Orlando Bloom is allowed to open his mouth. Nothing in these opening scenes made any sense and I quickly lost patience in trying to decipher the drivel coming out of the actor’s mouths.

In fact it wasn’t until Johnny Depp turned up on screen where things started to get entertaining….but still utterly confusing. Jack Sparrow was supposidly in Davy Jones’ Locker and this was visualised as a huge desert filled with rocks that turned into crabs, a ship which sailed the sand, and plenty of Johnny Depp clones all acting like lovable buffoons. Now while this scene was even more confusing than the previous ones, at least I gathered that it was supposed to be mental, and thus I was able to enjoy it. But as soon as the action switched back to the ‘real’ world I lost interest again. Why was this film so hell bent on confusing me?

The question I guess, is will I continue with the rest of it? Probably, as I hate to leave a film unfinished (though I did accomplish this feat with Babel which was absolute trash), but I just hope that there is a really obvious expositional scene in At World’s End which sums up everything that has happened in the movie. I don’t care if it dumbs things down…it is necessary to my sanity to have this included.

The film’s ability to make me lose my mind: 7 out of 7

Love of Johnny Depp: 6 out of 7

Rated: 2 out of 7